The Heaven Couldn’t Wait For Her

Last Sunday I was shocked by news of the passing away of a schoolmate. It was so sudden that even until now, I’m still digesting the fact and couldn’t stop thinking about her. In fact in the past 2 nights, it was hard for me to sleep. Even if I did, I kept waking up a few times in the middle of the night before struggling again to get back to sleep. I feel sad knowing that she has gone at the age of as young as 35, leaving a husband and two small children.

It all started on the Saturday night, when her husband posted a status asking prayers from everyone because her wife is critically ill in the ICU. All friends were shocked and messages started pouring. I kept checking the messages on his Fb wall and her close friends’. I remember making a doa for Allah’s miracle hoping that tomorrow I will get the news that her condition already getting better and she will eventually recover.

But no. She passed away on beautiful Sunday morning because of breast cancer stage 4. I read what her friends had written and got to know that apparently she was fighting cancer for already a year. She got herself diagnosed end of last year with breast cancer stage 3. She was on long leave from work for cancer treatment. Not many knew that she was ill. Not even her close friends! She kept her secret very well from everyone except closest family members and office mates.

I felt gloomy the whole day that I kept scrolling her Fb wall. There are pictures of her daughter’s birthday celebration just earlier this month. There are also pictures from a couple of month ago, she went for family holiday together with her parents and siblings to a beautiful island. I stalked her closest friends’ Fb wall and ran through every messages that mentioned about her. She held a reunion with her close friends just a few months ago at her house yet no one in that circle knew she was sick.

Maybe that’s why many couldn’t believe the unexpected news. She is pretty and sweet. She is rich with her smile. She has a promising and respectable career as a medical doctor. She has a supporting husband perfectly matched for her. She has a pair of cute and bright kids. She looked happy. She looked healthy. She dressed well. She looked as if she is at the peak of her life, having everything a person could ask for, and was running her life with contentment. At least that’s what I thought.

But who knew silently she was battling for dear life…

I couldn’t imagine what she must have been feeling inside. But I believe from the what she had portrayed, she has reached the highest level of redha, yet she was optimistic to heal. How I admired her strength, bravery, determination and patience to keep fighting. Despite the trial, a real blow to her face, she still managed to smile and acted normally as if nothing was off. She was grateful by every breath left she had by enjoying her life with loved one, creating beautiful memories.

Ironically, we are not even that close. But since she is a batch mate during high school back in Taiping, we used to occasionally passing by each other around the school. I’m not sure if I have significant personal memory with her that I could remember, but of course we have exchanged countless smiles and probably short conversations too. And maybe because this is the first experience for me losing a friend that I knew, that’s why I feel quite sad.

She is actually married to our batch mate, a guy from another class. As much as I feel sad for her passing away, I feel sorry for his lost too. And as a mother myself, my heart ached knowing two small kids will have to grow up without their biological mother who loved them unconditionally. I know what it feels like the pain of losing someone we love so much. But I couldn’t imagine losing a life partner or a mother…

It is hard to believe that she is gone. We are at the same age. How I feel that death could be so near without us knowing. I’m not ready for that. My ibadah is still full of flaws. My charity is still not much. My good deed is still little. And the list goes on. Ya Allah… Her death makes me pause and reflect myself. I realized how I am still left far behind from being someone good that benefit others. It makes me think more about my purpose in this life and what should I do in this time I have left in this dunya, towards akhirah.

What a kind and beautiful soul she is. And thus that’s why the heaven couldn’t’ wait for her. She is gone in a good way, insyaAllah husnul khotimah. Even from primary school friends to colleagues, all are having only the good things to say about her. Many adore her. Inspired by her. Envy her. Love her. And miss her. Including me. Thank you Su for being such a great role model you were during your lifetime and even when you are already gone, your death have given a lesson to me and I believed, many others. May Allah forgives all your sin, accept all your ibadah, reward all your kindness, gives you blessing and grant you Jannah.

And today, only after 3 days you passed away, is your husband’s birthday. Coincidentally it happens that it is Nabi Muhammad SAW birthday too. I pray that on this blessed day Allah will bestow the greatest strength, patience, iman and taqwa to Syed and the families left begind. And may Muhammad and Naura grown up to be a soleh and solehah successful individuals who keeps praying for their parents. May Allah ease all Syed’s and the children’s affairs and shower them with blessing and happiness in the days to come. Amin amin ya robbal ‘alamin.

Al-Fatihah.

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