Ihsan is already long lost in his dream, hubby is now watching the anime while me… is here to continue typing this entry. Setakat ni dh 3 kali edit sbb setiap kali menaip xpenah habis. Yesterday and today’s weather were very fine with full of sunshine and soft blowing wind. Only that it were a bit chilly. It was unbelievably snowing on yesterday’s night. We only realized it during late morning when hubby got out and he saw traces of snow around the car. No wonder it was quite cold on the night before. Anyway… we just stayed home lazing around since yesterday. It felt good because it has been quite some times since we really just spent our weekends at home. Most of the times we would go out or hubby would be working and all. As for yesterday… we woke up late. Dh lama juga xbgn lewat bermalas2an mcm tu. It was nice. Well… not really… since Ihsan had gone up way earlier before us and kept bothering us duh~~~ 🙁 Si kenit ni mmg xbg chance langsung lah. Yesterday hubby changed the car tires, washed the car, we watched drama, and I just did all the usual stuffs baking, cooking washing and all. While feeding Ihsan yesterday I kena sembur dgn Ihsan sket punya baik! I totally didn’t expect it. I got it right in front of my face! I terdiam n terkejut. Xsangka n geram la jugak. But that little mister? Cheekily smiling and laughing away. Dia bukan tau pun org geram dgn dia 😛
As for today, hubby went out for a while to service the car before we went to the library to return and borrow other book,s went to supa to buy groceries and finally pusing2 around the villages by car for a while. Actually we thought nk singgah tepi sungai ambik angin tp ada keje2 pembaikan plak kt situ. Pusing2 pn xjmpa park ke apa ke. Yelah sini mana ada apa2… hulu banat. Hutan byk la 😛 So blk la rumah because hubby said he was feeling sleepy and Ihsan too was already sleeping on my lap. Once smpi rmh I mencabut rumput di dpn rmh. Pansies yg hubby tanam end of last year are now have grown big and blooming too. They are very beautiful. Even the plant is quite easy to maintain. So kena la clear kan rumput2 tu so that they won’t merosakkan the view of our small garden. After clearing half of the garden suddenly hubby went out with Ihsan because Ihsan cried for milk. So I went in and tried to put him back to sleep because he seemed still sleepy. But it was really hard to make him sleep. Dh lama pn tp xtdo2 jugak even he did actually doze off a few times. He was like not being comfortable. So susah2 sgt I bwk dia masuk bilik and continued utk cuba tdokan dia.
After a while suddenly he vomited a lot and continuously! Menyembur2. I was panicked that I instantly brought him to hubby. Hubby masa tu tgh tdo terus bgn sbb terkejut. Ihsan’s face and clothes were full with vomit. My baju and seluar too habis lencun! So imagine la byk xbyk nyer dia vomited. We were shocked and kept thinking why? But I thought might be because masa nk tdokan dia pacifier dia terjolok ke dlm sgt so that’s why dia vomit. Then after cleaning ourselves I brought him to the kitchen and put him in the walker while I did the dishes. I gave him 2 pieces of senbe and water. Tp yg dimakan bape cebis sgt. Yg lain sumer masuk into my mouth 😛 After a while he cried and asking to be held. So I stopped and picked him up then sat on the chair to nurse him because I thought he might be feeling hungry since he just vomited his stomach content. But suddenly again he was like tersedak2 then muntah again! This time byk air and greenish color mucous je. Compared to during the first time was mostly milk. I terus bwk g kt hubby and hubby pn again bgn terkejut2. I dh mula risau and thought of bringing him to the hospital. But hubby decided that we should monitor him for some more times. Gladly dia dh xvomit cuma dia ada mcm tersedak2 nk vomit lg. Ihsan pn merengek2 and menangis masa tu sbb dia pn xselesa and mcm mengadu kan. Now dia dh slamat tdo okay je xde pape. We really puzzled why dia vomited twice td. I cuba jugak ingat2 blk dia mkn apa td? Dia ada jatuh ke? I mkn apa? Perut dia masuk angin ke? Sbb kahak ke? and so on. I was already thinking for the worst even until now. But he seems already fine and I really hope he really is. Sigh… I’m so worried sick. Menambahkan rasa runsing dihati ni je.
Dah la lately lately I’m feeling a bit down. I don’t know why but I haven’t been feeling like this for already quite some times. That’s why I didn’t update the blog even I really wanted too. I tried to come up with an entry a few times but after a few lines I lost my interest. I don’t really blame the PMS because truly, I do have a few things keep wandering in mind too. Owh did I mention PMS? I was so near to do the HPT last weekend because I was kinda having weird feelings, nauseous, big appetite, hunger and fatigued. Which are soo pregnancy-like symptoms. Although I was so confident it was impossible that I would get pregnant but I started to feel worry somehow. But gladly I got the PMS just before I bought the HPT. Now I have 1 set of HPT at home just in case I might need it. Huh… seems like my PMS has gone haywire. Setiap kali tgh berkobar2 mengganti puasa tu la dia dtg. Now terbantut lagi. The thought of I might be pregnant again was indeed worrying. I’m so not ready at all to get pregnant again so soon although deep in my heart xsabar2 nk tambahkan bilangan adik kpd Ahmad ‘Abid Qiwaidir 😛 Tp kalau dh ditakdirkan Allah nk bg juga even dh cuba mengelak sedaya upaya… I terima dgn hatinya yg terbuka. Allah punya kuasa kan, Dia nk bagi Dia bg je. Dia nk ambik pun Dia ambik je.
Anyway… maybe I think too much thus making me feeling not really in the mood recently. Sigh… There are a few matters that keep bothering me.
- The probability that hubby needs to attend a course for more than a month thus I might need to go back to Mesia alone with Ihsan this summer.
- The fact itself that I might need to travel on a long journey by flight with a baby.
- The fact that I might need to run life in Mesia without hubby and have to deal with situation when people keep meddling in my way of dealing with my own baby. This is what I hate most.
- As the time coming nearer towards the day we are going back for good, I can’t stop thinking about the future of my career status. I know I have to work but I also wish I could be a WAHM instead of a normal office worker. Huh… can I even get a job at the first place?
- If I would be working, I have to think who is gonna take care of Ihsan when I go to work. That’s hard for me to accept since I’ve been taking care of him since the moment he was born and we never been apart more than an hour. I also have to think about the necessary routine of pumping and preparing EBM stock. That’s quite a hassle to me.
- I’m stressed with Ihsan’s severe nappy rash although it’s now recovering.
- I’m confused by Ihsan’s sleeping behavior because recently he seems hard to find his comfortable position to sleep. He tends to sleep by his side or on his tummy. He keeps waking up to change his position too. He couldn’t stay put and thus I keep having restless night too. It also keeps me thinking is there actually something wrong with him? Sakit ke apa ke?
- Apa lagi ye?… mcm ada lagi 1 tp xingat plak.
Honestly I don’t really know what is the main factor that cause me to feel a bit gloomy. Might it actually be because next month is May. What’s wrong with May? Since last 2 years there’s always something about May. Gosh… I really shouldn’t be creating problems. Byk sgt pk n melayan perasaan. Ihsan is the first matter that I have to worry about. Others in the list aren’t really a problem. I really should divert my thinking to more beneficial stuffs instead of boggling my mind unnecessarily. Anyway… hubby is on leave tomorrow because we need to bring Ihsan for Polio immunization. I think we should bring him to the clinic too to check for the cause why he vomited today. Perhaps it’s nothing. Well… I have to start cheering myself up and cast away all the unnecessary negativity. I hope to find my effective ‘happy pills’ ASAP. Kena zikir and mengaji byk2 la kot. Lagi byk pekdah ye tak?