The room was quite warm and I was perspiring even more being in constant pain. Hubby was there beside me all the time and he recited the doas and surahs for me. He kept telling me to hold on. He gave me water every once in a while. He helped wiped the sweat on my face and every time the contraction came, he kept massaging my back. Shanna-san also kept massaging my back every time the contraction came. In between reciting doas and zikir, hubby and I talked all the time. We talked about many things but mostly regarding the situation we were in at that time. I also asked forgiveness from hubby. At the same time, actually there were other midwives in the same room. A few were attending the lady next to me. While a few other once in a while were assisting Shanna-san. So Shanna-san wasn’t the only one attending to me. The other midwives also kept giving support to me every once in a while. Not long after that, I told hubby that I couldn’t bear it anymore. Hubby told Shanna-san and she then checked my dilation again and to our surprise I was already 7 cm dilated. It was fast! 😀 I was so happy to know there was big chance the labor pain would end much soon. I struggled to hold on for a little bit more. Shanna-san then started to prepare the baby place and things for the delivery process.
At that time as the pain growing, I started to feel tired and my will was fading. I started to cry and sob. I couldn’t think straight anymore and slowly losing my determination. I couldn’t stop thinking about the pain thus making me not concentrate to recite the doas. I only recited them in my heart. I didn’t know why I wasn’t strong enough during this second delivery. Every time the contraction came, I would grind my teeth, curl and struggle in bed, hold to hubby very tightly and etc. The lady beside me was quite calm and I realized that the atmosphere in the room was filled with my voice crying every once in a while. I really couldn’t help it! I was making a lot of noise! But still I kept telling myself that by hook or by crook I had to end this. I had come already so far and I shouldn’t give up at this very peak moment. Even if I given up, nothing that I could do and I still had to push the baby out! The baby wouldn’t suddenly appear in my arms! 😛 No magic to help me out. I told Shanna-san that I couldn’t hold on anymore. I felt like wanting to push. She told me not to push yet. But I could only push little by little. She checked my dilation again and I was already 9 cm dilated. Shanna-san then put on the green delivery attire on me and herself. She also adjusted the bed and prepared it for the delivery process.
I was becoming more restless. Hubby tried to comfort me. He wiped and wet my face. But at that time I was easily becoming annoyed and angry. So whenever hubby attended to me not as I wished, I pushed him away. I also forced him to rub my back harder. He tried to treat me well but I didn’t mean not to appreciate his effort. It was too painful that I couldn’t bother to care about anything else! 😛 Shanna-san asked me which position I wanted to push the baby out. I couldn’t decide. Lying on my side really helped ease the pain. But pushing the baby in semi-sitting position would be much easier. I changed to side-lying but then changed back to semi-sitting position. Shanna-san then punctured my water bag and I could feel the gush of water coming out from me. She checked my dilation again and I was already 10 cm dilated. I was told that I could start pushing. I kept pushing but the baby still didn’t come out. Weirdly this time, the contraction wave was gone. I just felt so painful down there that I was having the urge to push all the time. I felt like my bottom was gonna burst! 😛 I guess the pain was so strong that it overpowered the contraction wave feeling. So I didn’t push during the right moment. Shanna-san and hubby kept telling me not to push when the contraction didn’t come since I could tear my uterus. I didn’t tell them that I couldn’t feel the contraction wave. So I silently felt the hardening myself using my finger. I tried to look at the graph monitor to guide me but it was a bit off-sight. So, I pushed when my tummy felt hard. I tried to concentrate and push with all my might. A few other midwives also assisted and gave support to me.
I kept telling hubby, “Tak tahan! Tak tahan!” but hubby kept saying, “Sikit lagi. Sikit lagi”. Shanna-san told that she could already touched the baby’s head. Hubby saw it and he described it to me. Shanna-san asked me whether I wanted to touch it. I did! 😀 Shanna-san said I didn’t need to be cut this time. Then Yamada-san, the doctor came to see how I was progressing. He just monitored the process. Then after a few more times I went all out, there was the time went I felt like my bottom was gonna explode! I could see Shanna-san also was struggling to pull the baby’s head by probing in me. After a while, the baby’s head popped out! I felt so opened and the pain was kinda continuing. I was like being trapped in the great pain! Shanna-san continued probing to pull the baby’s shoulder. Finally with all my might, at 10.52 am, Friday, August 21st, 2009 @ 30 Sya’ban 1430H, a day before Ramadhan started, I gave my long push for the last time and Ihsan was out! 😀 I lost count of how many times I pushed but hubby said I pushed 3 times to get the whole body out. Everyone wished omedetou to us. The pain was gone almost immediately. I was huffing and puffing while reciting my grateful to Allah. While hubby kept repeating, “Sayang, dah selamat dah Sayang. Alhamdulillah”. He was glimmering with smile and excitement 🙂 Hubby was given the honor to cut the umbilical cord. Ihsan then immediately placed on my chest. All I could think at that time was, after all the trials I had gone trough, finally I was blessed with the baby just like that! The baby was taken from me to be cleaned and checked. Doctor Yamada said that he thought that my baby was very fine. While the baby was taken away, I was sewn up by the doctor for the injury.
And to this.
Earlier, I asked hubby why Ihsan didn’t cry out loud. I was a bit worried. But right after that, while being cleaned up, Ihsan cried his lung out! 😀 After done being sewn and Ihsan was settled being placed in his cot, I was told to rest in the labor room before being sent to the ward. We were amazed to see our baby. He was so tiny and cute! His eyes were wide and he kept looking around silently with so much wonder! We kept saying that how good he was behaving! At this time I could here the lady beside me started to cry, huffing and puffing out loud. Not long after that she also given birth to a healthy baby. Seemed like she had gone through quite a long labor. But I noticed that she was calmer than me 😛 Shanna-san then handed me Ihsan. She assisted me to breastfeed Ihsan. Ihsan sucked for a while then he stopped. I guessed he wasn’t hungry yet. Hubby then held Ihsan and recited azan, iqamah and a few particular doas and surahs for him. We stayed there for about 2 hours. A midwife came to check on my foods requirement and I had my lunch there not long after that. At about 2.00 pm I was brought to the ward. I stayed in a big room with 5 other moms. We were all separated by curtains.
During the first night, Ihsan cried almost all the times very loudly! I barely could sleep or even lie myself down. I nursed him almost all the times. Every time he fell asleep and just when I tried putting him back in his cot, he would continue crying! At one point I was so stressed out. I was so tired and in pain yet I couldn’t rest. I kinda angry with Ihsan. I knew I shouldn’t but I didn’t know why. At that time, I miss hubby and home so much. I kept saying in my heart to Ihsan, “You are reason for all of this. You are the cause that put me into this”. I felt like awkward and I didn’t know how to love my baby. But anyway, of course those ridiculous thought didn’t last long. In a way, it was common to new mother. I was still in transition process. On the second night Ihsan still cried out loud. However he was such a dear during the day. He slept almost all the times except for milk. Only then I realized Ihsan was actually hungry since my milk wasn’t enough to meet his demand yet. On the third day, I started having engorgement and Ihsan started to sleep well during the rest of the nights too. He rarely cried out loud. Another mother made a remark to me saying that Ihsan was very well-behaved 😉
You see, since we are living in quite a rural area. There are not many hospital with maternity services here. So, most of the time the maternity ward was busy and packed. There were rooms for 4 persons and 2 persons but we were placed by availability and case priority. The one I attended was a government hospital. So to be compared with other friends who had given birth in Japan at the hospitals in their place, I didn’t get special services like them. I needed to book for shower, send the tray to the counter every time after meal, take care of my own baby most of the time, hubby couldn’t stay together, less space and privacy of course and etc. Somehow, the services given was still tip top and satisfying, really! 🙂 I stayed at the hospital for 5 days. It was compulsory for every mom and baby to stay for 5 days, the least if there is no health problem with mom or the baby. Hubby came every day to visit and accompany me. During my stay, the midwives, Tabata-san and Ichikawa-san who attended me during labor last year also came to visit me. They said Ihsan looked like ‘Abid a bit. By the way, most people said Ihsan has big eyes and he looked much like hubby. We were discharged on Wednesday, August 26th, 2009. On the way back, I couldn’t help reminiscing and wondering towards the day we brought ‘Abid home last time. The day was sunny and quite warm. The atmosphere was the same. But we were with different person and obviously surrounded with different emotions too this time. It made me felt awkward and so surreal too.
If to be compared, as an over all I think my first labor experience was much more painful. I could describe the feeling was like my body being ripped-off into two. However I was so determined and high-spirited to get everything end as fast as I could despite knowing ‘Abid was already gone. My concentration was more towards how I should manage ‘Abid’s jenazah smoothly as soon as possible. I was induced, the contraction was triggered using balloon, I ws given Pitocin through IV, I got the episiotomy cut and neatly sewn. After done with labor, I felt so worn out. I was drained due to lots of energy lost. But this time, I was given the chance to feel the all natural labor experience from the very beginning until the end. Although in a way I was actually induced but it was done naturally still. I went through only about 4 hours labor counted from the time I started to feel unbearable pain. It was very straightforward as how I wished for it to be. Somehow I could feel it that I wasn’t being so strong enough and easily given up during in the middle of labor. The pain wasn’t that great as before but still so excruciatingly painful that after given birth, I thought of I’m gonna need a very long time to rest after this until I’m ready again to think about next child. Especially after two consecutive years getting pregnant and went through labors, I really need to rest my body and mind for quite some times. Anyway, I could describe the pain this time more like I was gonna burst at the bottom. It was too painful that couldn’t feel the contraction wave. So, I couldn’t really concentrate to push. Since this time I wasn’t cut so the injury was quite messy. So, the stitches were many too. But in the evening after giving birth, apart from the pain of been sewn, I felt normal like not after giving birth. Might be because I went through quite a short labor this time.
I’d been in constant worry and not forget to mention being such a paranoid from time to time during my pregnancy with Ihsan. I was so scared if the same thing would happen again. I always thought not to buy baby stuffs yet until the baby was born because I didn’t want the stuffs would end up making me sad at the end of the day like before. But I bought lots of them anyway. I couldn’t resist! 😛 I even bought a new book of Cara Pengurusan Jenazah during our holiday in Mesia as a preparation towards the delivery day. I rarely said out loud to hubby of my plans with the baby because I was scared the dreams couldn’t be realized. So on and so forth, there were a lot more things that showed how traumatized I was with previous experience. Before Ihsan was born, I kept dreaming and hoping to go through a very accordingly straightforward and short hour labor. Just like some people who I read their experiences in the blogs. But I didn’t put high hope though since I had quite a long hour labor with great pain when I gave birth to my late first son, ‘Abid. I went through more or less 12 hour labor. It was indeed not only a very painful labor physically but also psychologically. Honestly, of course I was excited with the arrival of our second addition to the family, Ihsan. In fact, I was more prepared especially mentally this time. But experiencing the arrival of our very first bundle of joy, ‘Abid was much thrilled. Might be because he was the first of the first. To add more, our first experience was quite a different one. There were so much emotions that everything was piled up together at the same time. We were so confounded because we weren’t ready to face with such a great emotion turbulence. Somehow it was still a very priceless experience.
However, that didn’t stop me to keep praying to Allah during my second pregnancy for I be given a chance of a very smooth and easy labor experience this time. And Alhamdulillah, it happened so wonderfully just as how I imagined for it to be 😀 Sometimes when I looked back to the day, I would asked myself, “That was it?”. I am so thankful to The Almighty for this gift. I really love and treasure my baby. He is very precious to me. Because although it seemed he was easily delivered to us, yet we had to go through a long great bumpy journey before finally be presented with him. It was never easy to have come this far. Alhamdulillah we have survived it. On the 7th day after birth, hubby went to register Ihsan’s name. We also did the bertahnik, recite the doa for naming a child, and shave Ihsan’s head all by ourselves. We also asked hubby’s parents to do the akikah for Ihsan on our behalf just like how we did for ‘Abid. Lastly, I pray to Allah for more happiness to come into our lives, InsyaAllah 🙂 I was blessed with an instant baby angel to wait for me in the heaven. And now, I’m blessed with little khalifah for me to nurture to become a soleh son, InsyaAllah. Am I not grateful enough? 🙂