I put Ihsan in his cot in the bedroom so that I can blog freely without worrying I would wake him up. I’ve been trying to blog but all went halfway because Ihsan woke up in the middle of me typing. So I keep re-editing and re-continuing on the draft. This happened many times and I’m crossing my finger that this time I manage to finish this entry before he wakes up. But I’ll try to make it fast. Actually I’m a bit hesitated to put him out of my sight but I think I have to if I really want to update the blog. If not, I would have to type so gently as I could because he has a very sharp hearing! That’s also one of the reason why I couldn’t blog before or even surf the net because the clicking mouse sound would also startle him.

Honestly I’ve been wanting to blog but I couldn’t find suitable and comfortable time to do so most of the times. I have so many things to tell. In fact I have so many other things to do in my mind too. I don’t think I’m that busy. I believe I have sufficient time to do all of the things. But nowadays I’m occupied with my little Dracumilk and attending to his needs. He is getting clever thus getting demanding from day to day. When he is asleep, I will try to catch some sleep. But as a light sleeper I am, I always need long time before I could fall asleep and even when I’m in my deep sleep I would be easily awakened. I’m sleep deprived and I’m tired. I love to sleep and I sleep a lot before. I find this one particular matter (but not other thing) quite challenging to compromise but I have no option to choose rather than to adjust my sleeping pattern compatible with Ihsan’s schedule. No more beauty sleep for me. And not to forget, most of the times I simply feel lazy to update the blog. Well… that’s why I don’t usually blog so often at the first place.

Since for the past couple of days life has changed drastically for us. I must say it is not easy to cope. I confess that I experienced baby blues in the past couple of days so I got tensed once in a while. You know when you are tired physically so would your mind and emotion. That caused me to think irrationally about many things, being emotionally vulnerable, snapped at hubby sometimes and easily cried. At one point I miss ‘Abid so much that I couldn’t stop sobbing. There were lot of things regarding him playing in my mind. Not that I’m being ungrateful. I accept it wholeheartedly he had gone. But tell me how a mother can ever forget her child, especially his first child? I felt that I miss our lives pre-Ihsan. I missed my husband and that made me really miserable. Although hubby is still here by my side most of the times but I felt frustrated that he couldn’t give full attention to me like he used before and me too towards him. I miss all the cuddle and pampering. I miss my ME time. I felt that it is hard to take care of a newborn and thought that how could everybody survive. How can my mom have 4 children or some people as many as 10 but I’m already broke with only 1 child. So on and so forth.

But the baby blues didn’t stay long fortunately and I’m getting better now 🙂 I know I shouldn’t let myself get away with the emotion and let the negativity to ruin the happiness we have now. Slowly I’m adjusting within the new environment and everything is getting well and more manageable. Especially with the sleep matter. I know I have to survive this by hook or by crook. This is very new to me so its common to feel difficult at first. Practise makes perfect so I’m sure I will ace this in time. I’m enjoying every precious moment with my beloved Ihsan and I have to. You know, before he gets so big and I would already miss him before I realize it! I can’t believe it he is already entering 3 weeks old. Time flies so fast by me not like before, when I was anxiously waiting for him to pop out. Sometimes I wish I could freeze the time for a while and enjoy the moment.

Well… actually I don’t know from where to start. Not with the birth story yet since that’s special and gonna be lengthy too so I will save that for later. Now… I think I’m gonna talk about Ihsan first. My little sweetheart is growing fast. He looks different from day to day and owh how I miss the freshly out of the oven him! 🙁 He was very tiny, slim, adorable and cute. The first 2 nights after he was born was really tough since he cried all night long very loudly. I was depressed at one point and thought if only I could put him back in my tummy 😛 But during the day he was such a darling. He slept most of the times and cried only of wet diaper and for milk every once in a while. But nowadays slowly he is showing his true self. Ihsan is quite an easy baby as an over all. Yet he is a typical baby that once in a while drives me to dead end after efforts done in order to satisfy him. Nowadays he perceives my milk factory as his source of comfort. Most of the times he asks for milk more or less every 2 hours and each session lasts more than 30 minutes. This usually gets tougher at night. Usually he wants to be pacified until he fell asleep. But sometimes when I slowly put him in the bed he would suddenly awakened and cry for milk again. And this can be repeated as many as 5 times in 1 session! Sometimes he demands to be nursed every hour!  His tummy is still small yet he refuses to stop even after overflow. Owh sometimes he just wants to park his mouth and not sucking. So tell me how should I not feel restless everyday? I feel cracked physically and mentally but I’m getting used to it. I hope this won’t last long. But whatever it takes as long as my baby is happy 😀

Personally I’m against the idea of using pacifier. But I’m not a living pacifier solely. I’m a person and I need to function as one. Sometimes a visit to the toilet is like a battle on the field! At this time I’m trying to introduce him to pacifier. I thought of giving him only while tucking him to sleep. But no to avail. He is clever and he only wants the original one. He rejects it every time I try to shove the dummy inside his mouth. I’m glad actually. Yet… I really wished his milk time interval will at least gets longer soon.  I try to stock up some EBM too earlier. But with his packed milk schedule already, I need some times to rest too. Furthermore he doesn’t really like the feeding bottle teat. Other than that, these days I see that Ihsan is quite a moody baby. He always angry when he tries to pass motion and fart. He is less patience too. If he wants it, he wants it fast. He will cry if he wants anything. If I attend to him slowly, he will start to wail. He is also fussy so I have to attend to him correctly. He cries during nappy change time but gladly during bath time he is starting to enjoy it. Ihsan also nags and makes a lot of sound effects. Well anyway… I can see he has both me and hubby’s traits. That caused me to think if only we had been nicer persons before 😛 And I keep reminiscing of myself when I was small, horror! I salute that my parents survived in bringing me up 😀

Those are the toughest things so far. Other than that, Ihsan is a good baby. We can’t believe it that there is a baby in the house 😀 He is the one who kicked and punched me from the inside, the one whom I had been waiting so anxiously. I really miss my pregnancy moment. By the way, Ihsan looks much like hubby. But he has my nose and my eyebrow. ‘Abid used to look more like me but he has hubby’ nose. We think Ihsan has quite a fair complexion but when he cries or angry his face will turn red as like it is burning and that time he would look a bit brown. His hair is getting longer very fast since the day we shaved his head off. I love to see him stretching because he looks very adorable! He is starting to recognize my face and responds to me when I’m interacting to him. He starts to ‘talk’ and every day I keep waiting to hear his voice. His neck is still wobbly but he tries to move his head left and right or looking up during tummy time. His awake time is getting longer too and he likes to play with the hanging toys in his bouncer, the plush rattle toys and watching BabyTv. Yes… I’ve started introducing him to tv (bad me) but the programme is good and it is especially for baby so I don’t really mind although I kinda feel awkward myself. From the BabyTv too I got the idea how to start fun learning with Ihsan. In fact I have started to search and learn how to nurture and teach Ihsan. No… I’m not gonna give Ihsan a book and ask him to read. I know I’m excited but I’m not out of my mind yet.

It is fascinating to see Ihsan. Everything about him is cute even when he is wailing my ears off! His decibel is too high for my hearing! I try to capture everything I see but the feeling of looking at the picture or video is never the same while watching the moment alive. And everyday there will be new challenge waiting. Our new journey has only started and we also have so much more to learn. I just keep hoping things will get better 🙂

I feel so blissful when he is like this…

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like this…

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like this…

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or like this…

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But I brace myself when he is like this…

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like this…

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or like this… 😀

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Maybe I should try to write shorter entry after this if I wanted the blog to keep updated 😛

I’m Surviving It 🙂

9 thoughts on “I’m Surviving It :)

  • September 11, 2009 at 4:13 AM
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    ina, i’m sure everything about him is a bliss… 🙂 seronoknyer tgk gmbr ihsan…

    Mmg blissful. Especially dgn anak sndiri ada chemistry kan 🙂

    Reply
  • September 11, 2009 at 5:09 AM
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    alolo nomei nomei nye Ihsan ni. aahla cam papa la.. waa teringat balik zayna n zayyan dlm pantang, fuhh fuhh tarik nafas panjang2 tambah2 kalo bab tido tu. tunggu masuk 2 bulan kang okla time tido tu, kang mama leh tido lama sket. ganbarou ne mama!!

    Ooo mmg kebanyakan bb gitu ek awal2 ni huhu. Tula kena la bertahan sabar n tabah fuhhh fuhhh! Tp xtau la nnt peel apa plak yg dtg 😛

    Reply
  • September 11, 2009 at 7:07 AM
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    oh he is such a darling! cute banget!
    and yup he’s so RED when he cry!
    rasanya semua org mcm tuh tapi nnt InsyaAllah ada satu masa tu baby akan start tido dari malam sampai pagi, bgn nenen sekali dua jek waktu malam..masa tu nnt ok la..both my son start tido sampai pagi umur 3mos++ so hang up there mommy tak lama je lagi *wink*

    Seb baik xbertkr jd hijau ke biru ke kan hehe 😛 Yeke gitu. Wah can’t wait for my time to come! Cepat2 la dia ubah waktu tdo dia. Kalau lps nenen trs tdo xpe lg. Yg xtahan tu dia nk melekap aje kdg2 tu yg penat. Bila letak je nangis mcm kena dera!

    Reply
  • September 11, 2009 at 7:57 AM
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    alahai cutenya
    apsal akak terlepas bullet train????
    mana entry dia lahir???hahahahaa

    Birth story on hold dlu. Hehe xpe akak kejar blk dgn roket ye 😀

    Reply
  • September 11, 2009 at 9:18 AM
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    yayyy…dah update!!hehehhee….ihsan sungguh comel!!last pics tu…awww,cekci la dieerrr..hehhhehe…

    anyway,skrang ms utk ko berkorban menjaga baby.mula-mula kekok la ek…takpe,aku tau ko tabah & terer handle any situation kan….u can do it bebeh!

    ya,aku sokong bab update blog selalu tu..hehe…everyday nye update kan.y not simple & short entry utk kenangan masa depan.heheh.at least nanti bila ko baca balik..its everyday ihsan’s punye improvement….hehehe..just my 2 cents!

    take care!mwahhhh!

    Cekci kecik2 xpe comey. Dh besar cekci2 gak aku sebat dgn rotan haha 😛 Ituler cmner2 pn nk xnk terpaksa la tabah n sabar kn. Pndai beranak pndai2 la jaga ye tak. Tula aku terpk gk nk update gitu. Tp kdg2 mmg xde idea sbb mmg xde benda interesting. Kdg2 mood pn xde. Yela aku nk g toilet pn xnyempat2 jenuh terthn2 😛

    Reply
  • September 11, 2009 at 7:17 PM
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    “Sometimes a visit to the toilet is like a battle on the field!”

    Oh sgt setuju!

    Welcome to parenthood!!

    Makan… minum… hehe semuanya lah mcm nk g berperang kan. Kiter pn sorg2 je handle dia bila hubby keje. If not leh pass2 😛

    Reply
  • September 11, 2009 at 10:25 PM
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    welkam to the parenthood & sleepless night club bebeh…heheh

    sabo aje la kan na….takpe itu cume mase dlm pantang ni je..bile lagi nak rase kan.. :p

    lepas 2 bulan, dh ok…bg je la susu, then die tdo bahekk punye..

    ko pun leh tdo dgn tenang tau…

    ihsan nye sleep set tu same cam aqil aqif punye la na…hehe

    na nak address, nk send sumthing to ihsan..

    jgn lupe ye…

    Huhu tgh merasa la ni. Cmner nk anak ramai gini ek hehe 😛 Harap2 gitu la xlama lg sleeping pattern dia berubah better sket. Aku ni jns susah nk lelap. Kdg2 dh tdo kan dia aku br nk terlelap dia dh terjaga plak huhu. Alahai wat susah2 je. Nk hntr duit raya ke hehe. Nnt aku bg address ye 🙂

    Reply
  • September 12, 2009 at 6:38 AM
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    Sabar je Ina,tak lama lagi ok laa tu.adik beradik fith 6orang semua jenis sawan nangis,lahir2 keje nangis je sampai umur setahun lebih,kagum fith tgk parents boleh jaga kami.fith ni anak2 baik pun kdg2 merungut jugak bila sesekali anak tu buat perangai,sungguh laa tak bersyukur…
    take care…

    Aah sabar n rela je ni. Whatever it takes la as long as baby happy. If kiter je happy tp baby xhappy xbest plak. Ikut2 kan mudah sgt jaga Ihsan ni cuma jadual dia clash dgn rutin tdo mama dia jela. Mama dia dlu kuat tdo tula rasa susah je haha 😛 Tp skrg dh getting used to it. Kena tulis gak sumer ni kenangan nnt dia besar leh citer blk hehe 😀

    Reply
  • September 14, 2009 at 9:19 PM
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    dear ina, t’lmbt plak tau nk congrate the new khalifah ni. Welcome to the world Ihsan. Btw psl pacifier, samala arissa ni, sgt bijak xmau. Tp in the end, terima jgk dgn syarat die dh kenyang dan tgh high nk tido. Xleh la melekap je kat kite. X jd keje. Hehe. Dh lena pelan2 cabut pacifier tu. Tp tu prangai masa die dlm hari smpi sebln la. Skang nk masuk 2 bln, things get easier. Dh jarang nk pacifier, dh xnak buai sgt tp kena dodoi die kat bahu n br nk tido dlm baby cot, sgt suka b’bogel n mandi dr minggu pertama lg. Eh t’buat blog plak kat sini. Hehe.

    Ihsan mmg xterima pacifier. Even try bg time dia dh kenyang or mamai pn dia akan marah pastu nangis. Dh give up dh. Cuma dia tdo skrg nk kene dukung or pegang. Kalau letak dia akan tersdr n nangis. So skrg ni dok ajar dia biasakan tdo xperlu nk dodoi2 lama2. Ada improvement gak la hehe. Bab buka baju n mandi Ihsan sure nangis. Tp xdela jerit2 mcm awal2 dlu. Dh biasa kot. Sbb skrg sejuk kn. Kalau kuar drpd air tu jenih gigil2 even dh mandi air pns. Winter nnt kene mandi dpn heater la jwbnya hehe 😀

    Reply

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