Alhamdulillah I’ve officially reached full term of my pregnancy and for that, I’m relieved. But I know it doesn’t end yet. The most final and crucial state is have yet to come. As of today… I still feel fine generally and Adik too seems doing okay in my tummy. In fact the doctor too had said that he is doing good so I have nothing to worry about at all, supposedly. But I just can’t stop thinking and worrying about these and thats. Who doesn’t? I think it is a normal thing for every expecting mother and it is a lie if you say there is not even a slight of worry comes across your mind. But what important is I don’t let myself get away with the emotion because it is not good.
My body is getting heavier and I’m gaining weight so fast! I don’t know what I’ve eaten but I don’t really go strict on junk foods or any kind of foods anymore since my pregnancy is gonna end soon. But I still can’t take rice in big portion because I easily feel full. I keep munching almost all the times and sometimes until I feel like want to vomit because of over eating. That’s so not good 😛 Last night I craved for chocolate cookie and after dinner hubby went out and manage to bring back chocolate-covered-corn-puff. Although it wasn’t actually a kind of cookie but still it was yummy! Thanks Ayang 🙂 But I don’t worry about that since I think the over eating won’t have enough time to develop any harm on me ;P Owh please don’t say I didn’t eat or dieting before this because I really didn’t do that. I’m not out of my mind yet to jeopardise my health or especially Adik’s well development. That’s not even a reason that cause Adik to have low weight since I’m not Somalian who doesn’t get enough nutritious food intake daily or underweight or anything. Although I know the normal weight range at birth should be 2.5 kg and above. But of course it is understandable and normal for the doctor to give more attention to Adik’s development as a precaution if there could be something else unwished for is going on. But Alhamdulillah… all I heard until now is Adik is healthy and doing fine in my tummy. Perhaps this will continue until after he is safely be born soon, InsyaAllah 🙂 Even I was born with less than 2.5 kg of weight at birth and I’ve grown up fine, Alhamdulillah 🙂
The doctor said I should maintain my weight gain pace. He said I’m doing good this time since I was overweight during my previous pregnancy. And still, ‘Abid was born small. By being slim doesn’t mean your baby will be born small and by being fat doesn’t mean your baby will be born big. I’d Googled and done my research. All information is now under our finger tips and just a click away so it is not that hard to know. But heavier body means more aches at here and there for me. Still… they are tolerable. Although I feel it is hard for me to get up every time because of the heaviness. But still I can walk fast and be very active when I’m standing. Owh I still don’t have any swelling! 😀 I really feel proud (please allow me) and I really think I’m doing good this time. So, it is worth all the precautions steps I’ve taken although sometimes it is very tough to keep myself disciplined. My MIL said she never got swollen feet during all of her pregnancies and actually it is much better and lucky if you don’t get it. Before this I thought by having swollen feet means you would be going into labor very very soon but actually this is a wrong theory. Not everybody gets swollen feet and it is not a must.
I think I have many things in mind to say but I don’t actually know what do I have to say. Owh yeah… a few friends had safely given birth to their babies a few days ago and congratulations to them! 🙂 And this makes me even more anxious for my turn to come. Honestly… I don’t know how am I feeling. I don’t mind whenever Adik wants to pop out as long as he is ready. I’ve been soo patient to even start all over again since I gave birth to ‘Abid so surely I can be patient for less than a month more. In fact this never ends. Another battle is awaiting once I get into motherhood and so on and that require a lot of patient too. It is hard to be put into words. I don’t know what’s the best word to describe what I have deep at the back of my mind. But anyway… sometimes I just wished I could skip to the end of this but that would just make me lose all the beautiful moments I should be enjoying. Prior to my previous experience, it is really a big lie to say I don’t feel anything at all this time. I’m scared. I’m worried. Sometimes I’m sad and tensed. But I’m excited and happy too most of the times. It is easy to say don’t think at all about all the unnecessary things. I didn’t want to and I never asked. But still they come across my mind. I think it is normal for everyone. Come to think of it, somehow it is a way to keep reminding me there are lots of things out of our reach and there is The Almighty who controls everything.
My fate upon me has been set. I’m grateful for what I’d gotten before this although it might not be seen favorable generally but it means a lot to me. And I will never trade that if I ever given a chance to change what had happened. I feel blessed to be having a little angel awaiting for me although most of the times I really miss him and it is hurting. He is at the best place a human can wish and it is selfish for me to question what has been fated. But my hope is sky high. After all I’m an ordinary weak human being with desires. I wish that I can feel and get what I have yet to feel and get with all only smile and happiness. Same like others. The only thing I can do now is to keep praying to Him and perhaps all my prayers will be granted. He knows what’s best for me, favorable or unfavorable. And for that I leave the rest (tawakal) to Him and accept (redha) with open heart for what is awaiting for me in times to come. But still I’m praying hard for him to hear my prayers because after all, Allah, He is the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful.
At this moment, I don’t really feel anything. I’m anxious and ever so ready for the moment to come but I maintain my mood to be in moderate. By this I’m feeling more calm, positive, and rational too. I just pray that it will end smoothly and beautifully. No matter how, where and when because that’s Allah job to decide, not me 🙂
We will see what the doctor will have to say tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I will be publishing another 1 or 2 entries after this. But however I would like to take this chance to apologize to any of you, especially dear friends for any wrong that I have done that had hurt you in any way, be it intentionally or unintentionally. Please help pray for us, thank you 😉