A Letter To Our Son…
Today… there was no birthday wishes. There was no birthday song. There was no blewn candle… because there was actually no candle at the first place. There was no cake cutting session… because there was no fancy ordered or even a homemade birthday cake on the dining table. There was no colorful balloons hanging in the air. There was no birthday present. There was no numerous hugs n kisses too to shower on you and to be captured in the camera… because you were’t here with us. In fact there was almost nothing. Because although it is actually supposed to be your 1st Birthday today, but it wasn’t really how it should be. That is why today was your 1st Remembrance Day.
We wonder how you would look like if you are still here today. Looking back… the fresh and fragile newborn you… had a fair pinkish skin… round big eyes… beautiful eyebrows… long sideburns… wavy hair… and you were handsome… just like Papa. Besides, you also had a round face… chubby rosy cheeks… juicy red lips… long eyelashes… and most importantly your looked… were more like Mama. But your cute nose… was a combination of Papa’s and Mama’s though. It has been exactly a year since then. You were born still at the 38th week 1 day of pregnancy. At 8.09 am in the morning on Wednesday, May 14th, 2008. That was about 2 weeks earlier than your actual estimated due date… which supposed to be on May 27th, 2008. However, that are just numbers. You had actually left us slowly and silently long before we realized it.
Nevertheless we are grateful and relieved that we have managed to come this far today. It feels like a miracle that we actually survived it. We keep moving on since the day you left. Moving on which means living with the fact that having a son who had already long gone. But by moving on never means we need to forget. In fact, we remember, love and miss you always. . . during every moment of our lives everyday. We believe that we should never lose by this test no matter how hard it is. Alhamdulillah… we always manage to smile more these days everytime we remember of you. We might not need to change your wet diaper… but we managed your jenazah… from bathing, kafan, solat and to burying you… all by ourselves. And now… your name is always in our prayers every day and night. After all that is the only main responsibility left for us as parents, that we can do for you.
Ahmad ‘Abid Qiwaidir, we pray that you are always surrounded by unconditional happiness and blessings from Allah The Almighty. We pray that you are placed at the best place in Jannah. We pray that you will always be a very fine little angel under the care of our Creator. We pray that you will always be the worshipper of Allah, just like how your name describes you. And we pray that you will always pray for us, your parents during our lives in the world and during the hereafter. We pray that Allah will always heal our missing towards you. And we pray that Allah will always make us strong and give us patience towards the lost we had to accept. And lastly we pray that someday we are going to be reunited as one happy family in Jannah… and your younger siblings will follow suit too, InsyaAllah. May The Force bless you and our little family always.
‘Abid Darling, we do realized that all these while… you has been a precious blessing in disguise bestowed from Allah towards us. We are so proud to have you as one of the chapters in our lives. No one can ever replace you. You will always be our first child… our first son. And we are glad that for your birth, had officially made us ‘parents’. Thank you. ‘Abid Sayang, despites of all these… still… we presented you with the most precious and sacred gift we could give. Yaaseen and Al-Fatihah…
“In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful (1)
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, (2) The Beneficent, the Merciful. (3) Owner of the Day of Judgment, (4) Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help. (5) Show us the straight path, (6) The path of those whom Thou hast favoured. Not (the path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray. (7)”
You… beautiful little angel. You will always be our baby. You are forever missed and loved… during every second of our hearts beating. And the feeling is indescribable… ever.
Ahmad ‘Abid Qiwaidir Bin Abdul Latif
Yang Terpuji Ahli Ibadat Yang Berkemampuan
May 14th, 2008 – May 14th, 2008
Lots of love,
Mama & Papa