It was after the Isya’ prayer on last Monday night. He recited the do’a. I Amin-ed the do’a. I kissed his hands. I stood up and took off my telekung. While folding my telekung I looked at him. He wasn’t moving from the sejadah and he looked at me. Then suddenly…..
Him: Teringat la baby. Kalau tak mesti sekarang dah 3 bulan kan?
Me: Yeke… Hmm dua bulan lebih la.
Before I could continue any further…..
Him: Sedih la
I left the telekung right away. I turned and moved towards him. I knelled in front of him and looked at him in the eyes. His eyes were red and watery. I didn’t know weather they were like that merely because he was really tired since it is quite a common nature of him or the eyes really got teary a bit. However I’m sure there was painful feeling bottling inside reflected from his eyes and from the way he voiced it out. I hugged him straight away. I rubbed his back and said…..
Me: Ala jangan la cedih. Sabar ek.
Him: Hehe… takde pape lah.
Before I knew it, my voice was already wobbly. I couldn’t blurt any more words. I didn’t know what was the right thing to say to him and at the same time applicable to me. Everything choked in my throat….. He hugged me and rubbed my back too. I continued…..
Me: Jangan la cakap macam tu. Sedih tau.
I let him off and we looked to each other eyes. Although I did try not to but the tears already welled up my eyes. Just before the tears spilled over my eyelids he pulled me back towards him and I buried my face onto his lap.
Him: Ala jangan la sedih. Sabar kay. Takpela… dia doakan kiter bahagia………. so on and so forth.
I heard what he was saying. But they sounded like bubbles in the water. I was drowned in my emotion and I was trying hard to stabilize myself. Then I looked up to him.
Me: Abang ni orang dah selalu tahan2. Tetiba dia plak buat orang sedih.
Him: Yela sorry2.
I wiped my face. Tears still running down my cheeks. I was trying to shoo all the feelings away. I didn’t want to let myself submerging into that sea of emotions again and again.
Me: Dah lah dah lah. Jom lah makan cepat.
I was still sobbing. But we tried to move our minds to anything else except that. Eventually we were back to normal. Fortunately the whole situation only took about less than 10 minutes 🙂 Kononnya nak sabarkan orang lah. Tengok2 diri sendiri yang kena disabarkan hahaha! ;P
Honestly, hubby very rarely talked about that. In fact I am the one who just couldn’t stop talking about that again and again. Until there was one time that he told me to stop mentioning anything related to that because every time I did, that would just make him sad. So since then, I started to avoid to even think about what had happened.
I know hubby as a very firm person in the heart. He is so contrast compared to me. So he looks strong and cool almost all the times. Since the day I first knew him I can say that until now he cried less than 10 times in front of me. In fact each session took him less than 2 minutes to cry, only a little tears dropped and sometimes his eyes were only appeared teary for about 1 minute. It was on that particular day that made him cried, for so many times, when he didn’t care anymore that there were other people around him and I even heard him sobbed a little. Definitely because that really touched to the core of his heart which made the sturdiest man of mine crumbled and despaired. Yes he was so that sad. It made me even sadder to see him in that miserable state.
So it was very heart rendering when out of the blue he expressed his feeling to me. I then realized how much he had made things bottling inside of him that caused him to finally explode on that night. Truly, I mentioned to him about visiting the grave during this coming summer holiday earlier before the prayer. Might be that was what flashes back all the memories into his mind. It was sad to see him sad. But I was happy to see the person very dear to me was sad over the person we love and miss so much 🙂 Well… I think it was sweet to see the fatherly side of him. Even though it was quite in a different way like most fathers do.
On New Camera
I did mention about going to picnic beside the river in my previous entry, didn’t I? We woke up quite early than usual we do on that Sunday. Earlier on the night before hubby decided that we went out to buy new camera first before going to the picnic. Since we were already running out of time, hubby went out alone to purchase a camera and a few things needed for the bbq session. I waited at home and prepared whatever necessary. While at home, hubby kept calling me to inform about the cameras he saw and I checked on the models he mentioned in the internet. At first we decided to take 1 from Canon series but when at the shop he noticed 1 of the latest series from Fujifilm. I like the name Canon more but I knew I shouldn’t make the decision based on the brands only. So I browsed the net and studied hurriedly about both companies, cameras performances and weaknesses, list of top digital cameras and so on. Actually we were considering between Canon Digital IXUS 85 IS and Fujifilm FinePix 100fd. After fast thorough consideration of all aspects we decided to opt the latter since it has 12.0 mega pixels specification rather than the first one which only has 10.0 mega pixels. The salesperson also recommended the latter since it gives more perfect picture quality in various conditions. After all, that is our first priority on choosing the camera.
I had read the user reviews and I already knew the cons side of the camera. However after configuring the camera I think the cons listed not applicable to me except for one which is it is lack of manual control. This is actually not really a problem at all since I’m just an amateur photographer. I’ve already tried configuring all the functions in the camera and I must say that it is a very sophisticated compact digital camera. However I will study all the functions available so that I can fully utilize the camera although I kind of very confused with all of the functions all the times 😀 To me, the most spectacular thing about the camera is it has infrared communication function which enabled me to transmit to and receive file from other hardware. It is fun and I really enjoy transferring the pictures from my hand phone to the camera. Now I have back 1 gadget that I love most to keep me occupied anywhere I go especially during outing and traveling 😀 Owh yeah hubby chose the black one since he thought it is boring to opt the common grey color. Never mind… black means elegance, right? ;P ;P ;P
Owh I’m so excited, “Listen to me, world! I finally have a new camera!!!. Mekacih ye Yang. XOXO beribu2 lemon!” 😀 Hehe jakun sekejap ye ;P
Our bbq picnic date went on very well as planned 😀 It was fun. Even though the thought towards my late Little Munchkin (LM) kept crossing my mind every once in a while. I thought it must be much fun if we could bring LM together and let him play with the cold water. I imagined putting him in the cute inflatable ring tube and see him paddling his hands and feet in the water hmmm 🙂 But after a while I felt annoyed of why such thought kept bugging me hehe ;P Never mind… perhaps next year I could bring another LM together with us, InsyaAllah hohoho ;P
Anyway we brought green tea drinks, satay marinated chickens, peanut sauce, sliced cucumber, sliced onion, salt and yamame fishes? already threaded with sticks which hubby just bought from the suppa. Honestly at first I was quite reluctant to do bbq there since I thought that place would be crowded. Turned out, the river was just a small one, not like the one like in Ulu Yam which imagined. The place was quite deep in the woods and there were a few families were also having bbq there. We arrived there quite late at about 3.00 pm since we needed to charge the newly bought camera first. Hubby set up the bbq grill straight away while I organized the picnic mat and other stuffs before I sat there and looked on to hubby. He was fanning the fiery charcoal alone until he was all sweaty. It was funny to look at him like that. But then suddenly he said, “Tolong lah. Pemalas betul! Duduuuk je kat situ”. I laughed at him and replied, “Yelahhh nak tolong lah ni!”.
In the meanwhile of barbecuing and eating, we took the chance testing our new camera using the tripod. Obviously the outcome were wayyy better compared to if we used our old camera. So… it worth the money 😀 The environment was all green and shady. Once in a while the wind blowing softly that made us felt soo nice 🙂 After grilling all the fishes and chickens we rested on the mat devouring all the foods to fill up our grumbling tummies. Hubby kept asking whether I like it or not of doing such activity together since it was actually our first time. Of course I said liked it and hope to do it again soon since the weather is still hot. Hubby said that next time we should build a camp, rested there and he wanted to take a nap there hehe. Anyway after that other visitors started to pack their things and one by one left their spots. As we finished eating… we too packed our stuffs and left them in the car.
We got into the river and surprisingly the water was quite cold despite of the very hot summer weather. The water was moving gently and there wasn’t any high water fall there, yet it was so calming and nice. As usual we started to take pictures…. the thing we love to do together the most. We took the chance to use the modes available in the camera but seems like we have to practice more on using it especially the manual mode configuration part. We just played with the water and hubby just wet himself to the waist. He said earlier that he wanted to take a full dip but might be because he was feeling it wasn’t fun if I didn’t accompany him so he decided just to go back after that. Moreover the sun was about to set already and he also had a few things to do at home. I told him we should go there again with our friends to have simple picnic and take a dip especially during very hot coming weekends 😀 Kalau betul panas lah.
On National Anthem N*garaku
Last night when we both already tucked ourselves to bed and ready to sleep as usual we recited the do’a. We then wished goodnights and changed pecks to each other as part of our essentials. Then out of sudden I sang N*garaku and Sel*ngor State Anthem melodiously in a cheeky voice. I tried to continue singing the K*dah State Anthem but I forgot the lyric and melody. I just felt like doing it, so I did it. Okay, why N*garaku? It is because hubby kept bugging me since like forever to hear me sing N*garaku. I didn’t want to sing it because I think that is non-sense and lame especially when people forced me to. It is annoying when he kept bugging me, “Nyanyi laaaaa nak dengar!”. Surely the more he forced me to the more I didn’t want to do it. Same as when he likes asking me to repeat my words simply because he loves hearing me saying it. It is spontaneous and the feeling is different if when I tried to repeat it and I just couldn’t do it.
When every time I refused he kept accusing that I forgot the N*garaku. Owh COME ON lah! We sing that song since like forever. The song already pinned in the center of the head and we can’t forget it even if we want to! But suddenly last night I sang it without him having to ask me first. So, I already sang my N*garaku ye Yang! Honestly, not only that. He asked me to sing Dor*emon song in a very cute way, so he said! Of course I didn’t want to do it and he said I didn’t obey his order as a husband and I didn’t love him lah yada yada yada. He even made sour faces to me and sulked tapi jap je! Saje la tuh tetiba nak gedik! Of course I just ignored him~~~~~ 😛 😛 😛 Tak kuasa I tau! Abang sakit eh? ;P
That’s all for my new updates. I’m going to put up all the pictures I’ve been wanting to upload soon! Hope that I’m not gonna be lazy for this. It is tedious and I hate it! But I love showing the pictures I took ;P Before I forgot… I don’t think I’m gonna privatize my blog at the moment. Unless if ‘kegatalan’ ku to privatize the blog suddenly come and I can’t resist the temptation of the idea privatizing the blog. But I think that it is just too ‘leceh’ since I have to log in every time I want view the blog kan? Sesapa, tolonglah halang! hehehe. Hmmm tengoklah 😀