When She Doesn’t Really Has The Mood To Blog

To be specific, I don’t have the mood to blog only in this blog because most of the time my mind is pretty occupied with the thoughts of coming Lil’ Munchkin. As if my life is revolves around his coming presence and the world exists around me is all about him. Ooops… yeah no more of “…my life is everything all about you (beloved hubby) only…” hihihi 😀 You are already down to number 2 in the list. Just pray that I won’t forget about your presence once the little one arrives soon ya honey ;P Takkan la bleh lupa ye tak? Actually I do have soo many things to tell but only that I’m not feeling so keen to write about them unless again… anything related to my pregnancy and the likes. So that’s why you can see that I update the other blog so often while this blog is progressing as slow as at the pace of 1 entry per month only. I even determine to write something in here today merely because for the sake of I don’t want March 2008 entry to be zero hihihi ;P Moreover I only felt like want to blog when I was having fight with hubby. So I better not right anything at all or else the entry would be very miserable… full of tension… accompanied with personal matters. Owhhh tidak boleh! Hubby la suka carik gaduh! hihi ;P

Okay hmmm where to start? Truly… I was down with flu started a fortnight ago. I got it from hubby and once he was getting better I was already getting worse. The peak was last week on Wednesday… the same day I went for my 7th pregnancy check-up at the hospital. I told the midwife and doctor that I was having flu… with the hope that I would be prescribed with necessary medicine but unfortunately I got nothing 🙁 The doctor only made notes in my report card while the midwife said it is common for people to catch with flu and fever at this time of the season thus only advised me to take hot foods and drinks… keep myself warm with thick blanket and clothes… and yada yada yada. Everybody knows that duh~! From what I heard and experienced… kat sini memang macam tu. If kiter sakit sket2 je… not a severe one… and sememangnya akan boleh baik withour risk and so on… memang diorg payahhh nak bagi ubat. Their intention is good lah sebab ubat2 dadah ni xbagus. Kadang2 rasa macam diorg ni xpercaya dgn ubat2 ni je. In fact diorg akan nasihat to jaga makan… exercise… and so on supaya sakit tu akan subside naturally. Macam aritu sakit gigi n dapat ubat pun… dentist kata kalau boleh jangan la makan. Kecuali kalau dah tak tahan sangat2. So I just tahannn jela sakit tu ritu.

I did everything I should but despites of all that, I really couldn’t hold on anymore with my worsening condition. My beloved hubby boleh buat perangai plak malam tu! I had already told him that I wasn’t going to cook and asked him to buy onigiri from the kombini for me and reminded him not to come back late. Just so you know, he went to play bowling with the trainees and only came back nearly to 12 midnight! Surely I was freaking mad at him once he got home! I was hungry and sick for God sake but still he couldn’t care less about me. Okay… I’m exaggerating. Of course I knew he couldn’t come back early since there were about 4 or 5 of them so of course it was going to take long for everyone’s turn to throw the ball. The trainees usually have the Wednesday off so that’s the only day they could ask hubby to take them out. However I was thinking that he shouldn’t have gone out at all at the first place. I am his wife thus he should had been more concerned about me and why should I care the trainees couldn’t go out or not DUH~~~!

I nagged fumingly at him non-stopped once he was home… even though he tried to explain to me why he was late bla bla bla but I just couldn’t care less lah of course then he took his bath hurriedly. Owh fortunately he bought obento and the green tea for me. So then after that he prepared everything and I just went wash my hand and eat with the tears running down my cheeks. Ehhh sungguh marahhh okay! I stayed silent all the time. After eating I brushed my teeth and got ready to sleep. He was feeling guilty lah tu that he came to me rubbing my back, legs, feet and head with balm gamat panas and Vicks. Fortunately I was kind that night and gave in after his efforts on coaxing me. Huh! On the tomorrow of the day he bought a packet of patches for my flu and Vicks medicated drops for my cough. Kat sini banyak sangat jumpa diorg suka guna bukan ubat makan tapi patch yang lekat kat kepala and dada bila demam… flu and etc. But it was good I tell you! I could breath easily no more stuffed nose after that and the mucus kinda subsided a bit too.

However… still lambat jugak nak lega. Till today my voice still macam org selsema. Dah tu asyik nose-bleed aje. Might probably because of the recently winter season and because of the pregnancy, the tissue inside receives more blood than usual… so it becomes more sensitive and easily luka especially when I keep blowing my nose. Both of us hadn’t been sick for already a long time! So might probably that was why we were down ill quite badly especially me. Hubby makan panadol so cepat lah lega. I on the other hand wants so avoid taking any medicine as possible. I just take my Shaklee supplements as usual. Even though it progresses slowly but it is natural and good for the body in long term. I started taking Shaklee since 2 years ago and since then Alhamdulillah I rarely get sick and in fact I feel more healthy. Owh I’m not promoting ya but it is true. But then of course la if Allah nak bagi sakit jugak… sakit la kan. This is only ikhtiar sahaja to stay healthy.

Sigh… despite of Friday is my favorite day but it always turns out that Friday is the most boooring day for me. Why? Because hubby will go play archery in the evening right after work and only come back late at night and also… the TV programs on Friday are so not entertaining except for Sin Chan and Doraemon. Argh!… again… I will be boring to death tonight. Hubby said he got work to do tomorrow so he will be going to the office which means… might be there will be nothing interesting taking place tomorrow. I’m planning to go out to find some stuffs for the baby… and to buy hubby’s bento box. I urge hubby to bring obento to work since he doesn’t want to come back for lunch anymore nowadays. I’m excited preparing this obento thing for him because I could do cute-cute stuffs for him. Hmm definitely it means I have to be rajinnn too lah kan hihihi! Never mind… I’m enjoying it. The first obento I prepared for him were 2 slices of Upside-down Pineapple Cheesecake and 2 strawberries. He said he gobbled down everything hurriedly. I asked why and apparently he answered that he didn’t want anyone to see him bringing obento and ask many things towards him. Then I asked him was it because of he was ashamed I put in strawberries too but he said no. I really couldn’t really understand what this man actually had in his mind lah ;P Anyway when I asked him what was he thinking while eating the obento then he said he remembered of me lah for preparing the foods for him with love. Elehhh poyo je ;P Ntah ye ingat ke tak ;P

Other than that… mmm what to tell? So many things to tell but I’m just lazy to type. Never mind I’ll try go short with each points. I’m going to give birth on this coming end of May InsyaAllah. We have decided that my mom or MIL no need to come which means from A-Z will be done by only both of us. Mind you… we are living in kampung here and no any Malaysian or Muslim lives nearby. I pray hard every day that everything is going to be easy without any problem for us from the starts until forever, InsyaAllah. Sometimes when you are all alone and you realize that nothing else that you can do after all the efforts you have done… the rest… you have to leave it to God. This is when the mind strength really plays its’ part and in order to seek that… is to get myself as close as I can to God. Some people asked why am I doing all these to myself… why I just don’t go back home or why my mom is not coming. I don’t simply made this decision without any strong particular reasons okay. I’m not that stupid to simply risk my own being. We had weighted each option and this is what we found best for us. Even the other options we didn’t choose might be better or safe for us… they might not be best. We know what we are doing and many others had done this. In fact, I seek courage and strength from them too. Please don’t simply judge and make conclusion on my situation when you only know near to nothing. Just shut up!

We are still living in this house. Because of a few circumstances… we think that it is better to stay here first and might be after the baby is like 3 months old then only we move out to a better house. No… not that the rumah is buruk or nak roboh yer. You won’t believe it if I tell the condition of our house. Even me myself sometimes just couldn’t believe it of what I’m going to do or what I’m going to face. Sometimes to compare the things that I used to have with the one I’m having… could make me feeling sad. It makes me feel as if I am close to poverty. Well… of course I am exaggerating. We are not even close to that. It is just my feelings though since I tend to be very sensitive and over-thinking due to the roller-coaster pregnancy hormone. But of course I knew we can survive so that’s why we dare to take the risk. Sometimes we are just playing with the state of the mind. In this case, I knew our limit. We won’t go over limit though because we never dare to risk the comfort privilege of the little one’s.

The more the big day is coming nearer, the more I tend to think of the worst more often. Not that I want to but sometimes I just can’t help it. Sometimes I just need to think of those scary things because want it or not if it is happens… we are the ones who have to face it all by ourselves. Honestly I don’t know what am I going to do yet but at least when I’ve thought of them… perhaps I won’t be in the state of losing my sanity at that time. Because at least I am already a bit mentally ready? It surely gonna give more problems if I can’t think properly. I need to be rational all the time… and put aside my emotional needs for a while. Somehow… again I pray to Allah not to test us with all of these. Please guys… help pray for our safety and happiness ya… thanks… 🙂 Perhaps I’m thinking too much like some of my friends said. Hmmm… I can’t take it anymore to play with the so many emotions and thoughts everyday. I can’t wait for the baby to arrive. I’m scared… nervous… but I’m eager to feel and see what he looks like. I pray the best for my baby and hope Allah will grant it all.

I wished I could write longer but it is Maghrib already and I need to do whatever necessary especially cook dinner duh~~~. Boring! Anyway I know this entry is kinda mixed-up and vagued. But I simply did it that way. Too much revelation is not good sometimes hihi ;P

Lastly here are the pictures of some foods I made previously 😀

Sedap kan? (angkat bakul sendiri hihi ;P)

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