Phew! At last now I manage to get myself to update the blog again. It is very sunny today but quite windy too. I could say that this is the coldest day so far with the temperature ranging from -1 to 5 degrees C. There is no trace of snow yet outside although just now in the morning the frost has started to be available. But the hills and mountains all around the village have already been covered with snow. On last Saturday if I’m not mistaken, the snow has started to fall but only very little. On the day before that, it has been raining non-stopped for the whole day. Anyway, it is going to be colder than this very soon. So, I really believe my blog-updating speed is going to be much slower than it already is. Not that I don’t have anything to blab about but I’ve been facing this brain-freeze problem and another thing is my hands are freezing too brrr! ;P

By the way, nothing really exciting happened nowadays and everything just going on so commonly as usual. It is boring indeed but somehow I should just be grateful instead of whining since life has been good so far from day to day so, Alhamdulillah 🙂 Anyway hubby needed to work again on last Saturday but he asked for half day. In the afternoon until evening he was busy with the car since it needed to be serviced plus the tires also have to be changed. Poof! There went some of the bonus he got on last week. Hardly come, but easily go 🙂 On yesterday, Sunday, we just stayed at home. We planned to go out but ended waking up late. It was so cold so got cuddled together under the futon was felt much more blissful! Honestly, I just don’t mind if we didn’t go out because I thought hubby deserved to pamper himself after a long tiring weekdays too. Anyway, he is going to have about 2 or 3 weeks more of working weekends. I just can’t wait for it to end.

On the other hand, we are now searching for a new house to move into. You know, with the baby is coming; so we need a bigger house. This house we are staying in now is indeed comfortable but far more than suitable for a family. It is actually a house for single person. So, yesterday hubby tried to call one apartment owner whose apartment is also quite near here. To cut the story short, the owner said she doesn’t rent the apartment to foreigner. Honestly, we felt discriminated, angry and a bit down after that. But after a while well, it is not worth it to think hard over such matter. Might be it is really the owner’s policy. Or might be the owner is indeed a close-minded person. There are many of them especially in rural area. I must have aware of this since we are not living in a big city but a very rural village instead. It is so hard to find foreigner here except Brazilian Japanese who is not really a foreigner actually. Never mind, it is her lost since we are indeed a good tenant. InsyaAllah, God has a better plan for us right? 🙂

Hmm what do I want to rant about? There are many things in mind and they are just so eager, racing to be spilled in here. However, unfortunately I found myself quite a secretive person too. I think it is just going to make me weaker by telling all the disappointing and depressing stories in here. Actually, I tried a few times before and each story came with a lengthy tempting post to be read. But, all gone after I hit the DELETE button since I already felt comfortable once after pouring them out of my heart. Awkwardly, after that too I managed to think each of them as just a small matter people face in life. Big or small, it always depends on how we manage with things like that. Sometimes, we just got too many of them and everything got bottled up inside of us. With lessing patience, it is always possible to burst out! I love to cry with all my heart. That is one of my best ways of self therapy. Keep praying? Well, that is definitely necessary and no need to mention that. Once it happened, all gone and finished. I felt rejuvenated, to start anew once again. That is always when the rainbow appears after the rain! Kan? 🙂

Anyway, just to share a few stories. I’ve tried to come up with these stories but always got lost in the middle. Perhaps I was too emotional at that time? Last Saturday, AGAIN one of my friends asked me questions I never favor and made a statement upon me which I really disagree too through YM. For me, these are not really big matters. But they turned out to be HUGE matter to me brought up by certain friends. So here I’m going to list down all the favorite questions or statements from those certain friends. Ouh by the way please take note that all questions and statements have been altered to cut the story short and in order to put it in the blog.

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Situation 1

She: “Best la jadi ko. Asyik jalan-jalan je sana-sini bla bla bla…”
Me: “Manade selalu. Once in a blue moon je. Kebetulan pegi sana ada hal dah sampai dari jauh better la jalan-jalan kan? Mahal tau bla bla bla…”
She: “Ala tapi at least best la tinggal oversea. Aku tatau la bila sampai sana”
Me: “Hmm best la jugak. Kalau travel aje memang ok tapi if tinggal lama-lama susah jugak. Banyak cabaran tau”
She: “Eh yeke? Aku tengok ko happy je?”
Me: “Habis tu ko nak aku bubuh gambar-gambar aku nangis-nangis ke?”

Ouh come on… I am NOT happy ALL the times okay. I do have my times of hardships too. My life is so normal just like YOU. In fact, I might have much MORE things to think about and responsibilities to hold on the shoulders. I am a young woman, a wife, a mother-to-be, a daughter, a sister, a daughter in law which each and every title has big impacts on me. I am stranded in a rural foreign land, with lack of these and that and I also have my own DREAMS and HOPES that I keep on dreaming and thinking every night which are YET to be achieved too. I feel my life is so contented… YES… with LOVE. I am happy to be with my BELOVED in our little family. This is where and to whom I am belong. But please bear in mind, I am a perfectionist and it will never be enough. I am not perfect. So my life is not perfect too…

Situation 2

She: “Ko tak keje ke?”
Me: “Buat masa ni tak lah. Nanti kot bila dah ready. Lagipun hubby aku pun need my assistance so lagi senang lah aku ada kat rumah”
She: “Jadi suri rumah jela ko ek. Sampai bila-bila tak keje la ni ek”
Me: “Ehh aku tak cakap macam tu. Aku memang nak keje. If tak keje sini nanti balik Mesia keje lah”
She: “Ala takpe laki ko banyak duit”
Me: “Yeke? Mana ko tau laki aku banyak duit?”

Haih…Aminnn! I hope what YOU said COME TRUE so that I could be a wife to a very wealthy man thus I don’t have to even think about working anymore hihihi! The truth is, we also have our own times of ups and downs. Do bear in mind, my hubby is at the same age as me and he only started to work last year right after graduation. We did have our times planning of saving every penny from every possible way. He did has his own times calculating the total amount he had left in the bank account. I did have my own times tears running down my cheeks looking over the total amount of the bank statement. We did have our sleepless nights worrying over finance matters too. However, until this time all I could say is ALHAMDULILLAH we always have more than what we need. Despite of all difficulties, we still manage to make ourselves happy just like everybody else. The most important thing is to know your level of ability. I have reasons of why I’m not working too. All I could say is, this is the most convenient decision for me now; to say at home. We had it discussed and this is what is good not only for me but for him too, at THIS time. It is just so complicated, at least to ME.

Situation 3

She: “Habis tu ko jadi housewife jela sekarang ek?”
Me: “Yeah at the moment. But at least I manage to learn about a lot of things. In fact, I could see life from another aspects and this really opened up my eyes and mind”
She: “Tapi rugi lah blaja tinggi-tinggi tapi jadi housewife je!”
Me: “Betul ke rugi? Cuba pikir baik-baik. The simplest example aku boleh bagi… at least aku pandai la jugak baca resepi-resepi western boleh masakkan untuk family aku makanan sedap-sedap. At least anak-anak aku untung sebab mak dia pandai boleh didik dia bla bla bla…”

I really wonder is it very low standard to be a housewife? Once I be one myself… I could see there are actually quite a number of this kind of mind setting people. Don’t you ever realize there are so MANY SAHM who had a very excellent education background and once had a very promising career but decided just to be a housewife at the end of the day? I have seen and met many of them. Some of them are engineers, managers, high positioned officers in private company, teachers, university graduates and never work yet just like me and so on. Why do they took a decision just to be a SAHM? Each of them has their own unique reason. Might be the reason could be the husband is rich enough to support the whole family, might be one of the child is sick and need extra attention, might be she just hate to work anymore or might be just like me it is just quite complicated for me to work at the moment. But at least, all these SAHM could do their best in nourishing their children and I believe this is what they always wanted to do. Ouh their children, indeed are becoming very successful people. So, even if it is fated that I’m not going to work forever, does it really a lost for me to be a graduate? NO! At least I can be a woman with an educated brain and it is going to be a BIG BONUS to my hubby and children. So why are YOU so bothered?

Situation 4

She: “Ko bila nak ada anak”
Me: “InsyaAllah dah sampai masa sesuai ada rezeki nanti ada lah”
She: “Tak teringin ke? Selalu orang kawin terus nak ada anak. Ko tak nak plak”
Me: “Aku tak cakap aku tak nak. Macam ni lah… aku on planning. Banyak benda nak kena pikir. So biarlah betul-betul ready dulu”
She: “Ala kalau risau pasal duit takyah la. Anak tu ada rezeki dia nanti”
Me: “Aku memang tau tu. Tapi rezeki pun tak datang bergolek aje kan?”

Is it a problem to YOU that I don’t have my own child yet? If you really want a child, go make yourself one! Ini paksa-paksa orang plak. We are ready to get married at a very young age but that doesn’t mean we are ready to be parents yet. Some people said, “Betul-betul tak paham la kenapa ada orang dah kawin tapi tak nak anak lagi?”. Why don’t you just asked, “Kenapa lah ramai orang dok bercinta lama-lama. Semua benda dah cukup tapi tak nak kawin-kawin lagi?”. I think you should bother these unmarried couples more than married couples like us. Even to get married itself is not that easy. To be having a child even require MORE responsibilities. As for me, we knew our own ability and it is not wrong for us to get prepared not only financially but materially, physically, mentally and emotionally too. Plus, it is never wrong to do family planning unless we have no firm reasons for that. Only God knows how we really wanted to have our own child. How could you easily said that I don’t want to have a child? Only that we knew we have so many things more to learn, prepare and gain merely for the sake of our child and little family. It is for his or her goodness too! Even long before I got married, I always believe that everybody could have a child but not everybody could nurture a child. In fact, not every couple could be good parents to their child.

Situation 5 = WORST CASE

Me: “Nanti lah bila dah betul-betul ready. Bukan senang nak jaga anak macam-macam kena pikir. Nanti kalau apa-apa anak aku jugak jadi mangsa terkena sama. Kesian dia. Aku tak nak susah kan anak aku”
She: “Kalau macam tu lebih baik takyah kawin awal!”
Me: ?????!!!!!

Obviously if I be in front of you, YOU really deserved a SMACK on the HEAD! Sigh… please use your brain la. At least we got married and InsyaAllah Allah’s blessings and guides would be showered upon us always. Kalau tak kawin-kawin lagi sampai sekarang, apa kitorang dapat? Habuk pun takde!

Situation 6 = MOST RIDICULOUS & WORST CASE EVER

He: “Awal ek ko kawin?”
Me: “Alah dah jodoh. Trend apa. Ramai je kawan-kawan aku kawin muda”
He: “Ala… ko cakap jela kat aku. Apsal sebenarnya ko kawin awal? Ada apa-apa ke?”
Me: ??????????!!!!!!!!!!

Ouh my GOD! Hahaha! Ntahla tatau la nak gelak ke nak marah ke…even rasa nak nangis pun ada! Obviously I was so reluctant to answer such question. YOU didn’t even need to ask! Well, okay I will still answer. Even though we knew each other not so long, but we always dreamt, hoped and prayed to get married early. There was no exact reason. Only that we just didn’t like to be in the non-string attached relationship plus we thought there were many problems to only be couple like doubting over loyalty, got nagged by parents when going out dating, much money wasted especially on making international calls and so on. Furthermore, despite of all the deficiencies like of course we didn’t have own house, car, and we didn’t even finished our studies yet but we felt we understood our situation enough and we were prepared to get married. Plus, hubby also had prepared his OWN money enough for us to get married. Even if we didn’t get married, we would still be together and our lives would still be the same right? So why not just made it official? Then, one day suddenly out of the blue; the parents suggested us to get married ASAP. They just smelled our relationship and got to know that we were serious. So, they wanted us to get married just because they didn’t want us to go out together without any string attached. Of course we answered YES! 😀 As simple as ABC. Tak payah la nak susah2kan kepala pikir bukan2 ye?

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Well, not that I want to make fuss about all these situations. Only that sometimes I just couldn’t believe these could be problems to me MADE UP by other people plak tuh! They really made me DEPRESSED and ANNOYED seriously. Not only one time I hade been asked but zillionth times already and it never stopped! Unfortunately, I am such a vulnerable person too. Honestly,actually I don’t mind at all for people to ask. Some friends are nice and understanding enough. They asked nicely and and did think before talking or asking. I didn’t even mind to explain to them when they inquired more. But sometimes, CERTAIN people are just too RUDE and never satisfied! They could even argue with me over my decision I made towards MY OWN life! Sometimes, they said it out that they understood me enough. But the truth is they they didn’t and WILL NEVER understand me! How could they claim they were in the same shoe as I am in fact they never even faced anything near like the life I’m facing now? Truly, they are just BUSY-BODIES and always wanted to dig dig and dig about other people’s personal life.

I just tried to be nice. Tried to take it easy. Tried to answer kindly without hurting them and at the same time without having to disclose personal matters. However most of the times, they ended up driving me mad! Am I too naive or what? Maybe I should just learn to be ignorant more. Just like them who are always being ignorant towards others feelings and never know to differentiate between personal and open matters. As a result, nowadays even that I am already pregnant; I never feel keen to share my good news with them. Not even a little bit. Kalau diorg tau… tau lah. Kalau diorg taktau… taktau lah. Often when they asked, I just said, “Nanti InsyaAllah ada la bila dah sampai masa…” then I laughed them off. If they asked futher like, “Kenapa dah ada ke?…”. I just replied to them with, “Macam tadi la aku jawab hahaha!”. I also answered in such annoying ways to other questions in other matters. Hihihi… then I ended up feeling happy for making them annoyed back hahaha! But only to those CERTAIN people. Ish ish ish… ;P

Okay lah. Dah panjang mengarut. Toodles! 😀

When Sometimes It Not As What You Think It Is

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